Bravo!

Good morning!

I had a magnificently boring evening last night. In addition to starting the book "The Forgotten Man: A New History of the Great Depression" (the timeline at the beginning of the book is rather alarming and a little too close to home), I watched the Top Chef Reunion and, I'm gonna say: it was actual entertaining. I note this because this season, over all, let me down and didn't compare to seasons passed. What were we missing though? The 'cheftestants' were made to seem like they were actually fun people. Granted, this is what a good montage and editing can do. I am actually considering hiring the TC editing team to do a reel for me... imagine the possibilities! A few thoughts:

Fabio took "Fan Favorite" and the respective $10,000 - I would have been fine with Carla taking it, but Fabio definitely kept me entertained through the season. I'm still wanting to try his roast chicken.

Stefan was still a cocky prick and I threw my head back in laughter when Jamie said that not even an entire bottle of tequilla would get her to have sex with him. Perhaps it was the editing or maybe I'm projecting, but Stefan seemed a little hurt by that. "It is what it is"

Hosea and Leah were as annoying as ever. In fact, this reunion episode made me despise her even more than I already did. She had a complete attitude which I think is just the embarrassment of being referred to as a "regret" by Hosea on national TV. The only levity with her came during the clip of her and Jamie completely trashed during judges panel. Collichio seemed to enjoy it... Padma delivered the obligatory laugh followed by a passive-agressive judgment: "Leah - two words: national. tv"... even Padma can't stand her.

The group spent a few minutes gushing over my boyfriend Tom Collichio. Rightfully so. He can saute me, flip me, grill me... anytime. I'd even consider a sous-vide scenario.

Speaking of hot men... Millionaire Matchmaker!! More to come later... I gotta dole out these posts like snacks. How's that for the worst segue / blog finish ever?

ANTM Cycle 1 thousand 2-hundred and 6...

And so it begins - another cycle of America's Next Top Model. This show seems to ALWAYS be in production.. 12 cycles already?!!? How does Trya find time for all of her empathizing and relating?

I digress...

I will admit that this is the first time in my entire ANTM-watching career that I was feeling kind of "over it." But I'll persevere. My thoughts:

• I believe that it is WAY too much when the girls, upon their first vision of Trya, start shaking and crying - arms reaching out to touch her (which I imagine is NOT allowed, by the way). It has gotten beyond just finding another girl to feign a whirlwind life "as a Covergirl" (you know you aint so dang busy girl). Now it is just an outlet for young, pretty girls to mimic the poses they've seen on previous cycles. Did anyone notice how, during the "Girls growing up too fast/ Childhood games" photoshoot, the girls constantly jumped and contorted their legs? That is SOOOO "Windmill Photoshoot" from Cycle 11.
• I believe that "Little Girl Big Eyes" (if you watched it, you know who I'm talking about) did NOT deserve best photo. It should have gone to my girl Fo. Her interpretation of Ring Around the Rosey - SOOOO much better. Frankly, LGBE freaked me out when she claimed that she was jealous of people who get nosebleeds because she thinks blood is beautiful. Is she one of those Twilight freaks - I mean fans? The ever-compassionate Ms. J voiced his concern for the other girls in the house as a result.
  
• Tyra's 'cause du jour' is the Burn Victim. GIRL HAS NO BELLY BUTTON. I can't get over it. Give it time. Tyra will be on her show claiming that she knows what it's like to be a burn victim because of this nasty sunburn she got when on a Sports Illustrated photoshoot 12-years ago. Regardless: No Belly Button is NO model.
• Cycle 13 casting is going on right now. It's a cycle for girl's shorter than 5' 7"... wait a second. I'm the triple threat: I'm 5" 5', I'm plus-size, and I have vitiligo (look it up). This makes me the believe that I'm the one Tyra's looking for. Queue Whitney Houston's "One Moment in Time"... I have to go grab my head shots.
• I'm thrilled that Ms. J does not have a panel gimmic this cycle. She just showed up with a smile and a bowl-cut. I adore Ms. J and next time I'm in Paris, I'm looking her up for a walk-off and a croissant.
• Just like every season of "Real World" has to have a gay person, a well-meaning but ignorant hick, a slut, and a frat boy - ANTM now has to have a token plus-size gal, an abused or confused freak, and a CRAZY AFRICAN. Last cycle: the circumsized girl who called other girls "ghetto." This year: Sandra who A) thought she rocked it out by only walking 25% of a runway and B) gave the most boring picture ever... that is NOT how you interpret 'Hide and Go Seek'.. ok? It's not even fun to hate her. She's just got. ta. go.
  
• Tyra's elimination speech should be recited in every grammar school class right after the Pledge of Allegiance. What gets me time-after-time is how deliberate she is while saying "... I only have 3 pictures in my HANDS"... never noticed that? You will next time!

I'm not giving up on ANTM yet. At least not until the Makeover Episode. They're leading us on to think that this is the "most shocking one ever".... Uh HUH.

Good afternoon and, oh, you're still in the running...

Ahh... but there's more!

Tina Fey... somebody FINALLY got a stylist! Good job, Tina. You're brilliant AND you can look good for an event. You've got it all!

Meryl Streep... Albeta Ferretti. Granted, she can wear anything she wants and I wouldn't say 'boo' but I will comment on how great I thought she looked this evening. Again, she could wear a navy wool skort and a lime green tube top if she wanted, but a good job will not go unnoticed!

Mickey Rourke... Gauthier. Good god, man. I guess he really does march to the beat of his own drummer, so kudos. But can someone talk to him about his freakin' hair. Can Pantene or Garnier Nutrisse stage an intervention? Wash it. Please. Side note: a friend of mine who was in Miami recently saw him sitting at a cafe kanoodling with unidentified man. Who knew?

Mickey Rooney and his wife. THE GLOVES?!?!!?! Oh my god... the GLOVES. Moving on.

Robin Roberts... JCrew. Man.. has this brand seen a resurgence or what?!?!!?

Victoria Beckham... I want this dress. Only if it comes with an eating disorder and a supply of Dexatrim. Work it out, honey.

Brad Pitt... Tom Ford/ Yurman man-jewelry. Classic. And tasty.

Virginia Madsen... Kevan Hall. She always looks just left of finished, but pulled it together here. I've always liked her and this dress is not so bad. I usually don't like Hall's designs...

Lisa Rina... Gustavo Cadile. Color - pretty. Design - dated, but it'll do. FACE AND HAIR: Jesus H. Christ. Bad roller-set and too much colagen.

Melissa Leo... Badgley Mishka. Ewww. I dunno, Leo. Your hair color is the exact color of your dress. And the top does not do you any favors. Uh uh. And those sleeves...

John Legend and girlfriend... Prada and Julia Clancy. A little too matchy, matchy, but Prada should stick to the men for the red carpet. Her dress is nice... but I've seen it 25-times before.

Queen Latifah... Chakra. Uhh. I'm still trying to figure this out. I would have been more forgiving if she hadn't ruined the dead people tribute. She should just stick with acting and maybe go back to rapping. Singing....? Not so much.

Diane Lane... Dolce & Gabbana. Now THIS is better. After that Melissa George number, I was starting to doubt them.

Hugh Jackman... Burberry tux/ Ferragamo shoes. Oh, Hugh... how I love thee. Would have preferred at least one shirtless number, but I'll take you clothed.

Phillip Seymore Hoffman... knit cap? You're a genius and the best actor of our generation. Lose the cap though. He must have watched the same weather report as Mickey Rooney's wife.

Dita von Teese... I get it. I'm just kinda over it.

Viola Davis... Reem Acra. STUNNING and, I believe the only major star to follow the gold trend.

White knots, red dresses and, eh... no big whoop.

And so it was... the 2009 Oscar Red Carpet. All-in-all, a good showing with only a few major let-downs. It was a sea of red, white, and bare-shouldered. I will say that Ryan Seacrest made my job much harder by only asking 3 stars what they were wearing. That is the ENTIRE point of the red carpet - FASHION. I don't care if the star is nervous, I don't care who they want to meet, I don't even care about any upcoming projects. A suggestion for the future: make this an assembly line of "who are you wearing" and move on. My middle name is efficiency.

With that said, on to the recap.


Marion Cotillard... Dior Haute Couture/ Chopard. The French know how to do it. I absolutely love this. I've always been a fan of black and blue together and this is no exception. Splendid.

Mary Hart... Any designer who takes credit for this should be, well, discredited. Mary Hart seems to be the ONLY woman in Hollywood who has not Mystic'd.

Evan Rachel Wood... Elie Saab. I love this and thinks she looks incredible. She's becoming quite the fashionista (a word that I actually hate). Two claps.

Natalie Portman... Rodarte. I like that Natalie broke from the mold and went with this color (a trend that hasn't picked up as much steam yet). Beautiful rouching, lovely beaded detail. She's stunning.

Melissa George... Dolce & Gabbana. I didn't like the fact that this dress literally looked like she put on a corset and sewed a tutu to the bottom of it. I looks like a prototype that will get finished later. In fact, I think Tatiana from American Idol would like this. Didn't she make something similar for her audition?

Amanda Seyfried... Valentino. TOOOOOO OLD. I also don't like the fact that you can see her shoes which are ALL wrong for this dress. Awkward, dumpy. I'm not in BIG LOVE with this.

Nicole Kidman... L'Wren Scott. As usual, GORGEOUS.

Hallie Berry... House of Good GOD Woman! Does she even try???? It's freakish how beautiful she is and I love this dress. She looks completely at ease. Bravo. UPDATE (2/23 4:50pm) Ms. Perfection's dress is made by Marchesa. Le sigh...

Reese Witherspoon... Dior. I am more of a fan of Marion Cottilard's Dior number, but this is lovely. Again, love the combo of blue and black. UPDATE: this is Rodarte? Ooops.

Jennifer Aniston... Valentino Couture. Ehhh. Wrong hair for this dress. I'm totally bored by her. I know y'all love her, but I just find her... boring.

Alicia Keys... Armani Prive. Pretty color on her, but the slit accentuates the hips in the worst way. But who cares about the dress. She gets noticed for THE WORST WIG EVER!!!!!!!!!!

Amy Adams... Carolina Herrera/ Leighton. I feel that this pic doesn't do it justice. I actually really love the dress and the architectural detail in the bodice. But the showstopper for me is the Fred Leighton necklace. Completely makes the ensemble. Good job!

Phoebe Cates... she's here "just because." I'm amazed that she NEVER AGES. She's the Dick Clark of 80's actresses. She always seems to look pregnant though. Hmm.

Steven Cojocaru... CoNO. God bless her.. I mean HIM... for trying. I don't make fun because he's so bloated - this is a byproduct of his kidney situation. But come on now. Adjust to the new size and get rid of that hair. He looks like Chastity Bono.

Mary Hart.... any designer who takes credit for this should be, well, discredited. She's the only woman in Hollywood who hasn't Mystic'd.

Tilda Swinton.... she's totally creepy, but is a true individual. Something about this works. UPDATE (2/23 4:51pm) Anna was correct. Ensemble by Lanvin.

Kate Winslet... Yves Saint Laurent. BRAVO. BRAVO. Love the color. Love the shape. Love the hair. Done.

Vanessa Hudgens... Marchesa. I'm gonna say it: I like it. I'm not a huge fishtail fan, but this is young and she actually was smiling consistently through the event. Anything that makes this smug tween happy makes me happy.

Marisa Tomei... Versace. I like it. But it looks like a napkin pile on a bar. The fancy kind that you make for parties.

Taraji P. Henson... Alberta Ferretti. She gets noticed for the cutest hair on the carpet. I really love this dress and love the red clutch.

Sarah Jessica Parker... vintage Dior Haute Couture. SJP doesn't disappoint in this "barely mint" piece. The beading was divine and when she was presenting, the lights picked up the exquisite details in the dress. Love this.

Penelope Cruz.. vintage Balmain. Slightly Scarlett O'Hara, but stunning nonetheless. Effortless and chic. I'm a fan.

Miley Cyrus... Zuhair Murhad. At least she looks her age. While it's a bit much, I am in love with the waist and the bodice of this dress. It's totally different and I applaud her (or her stylist) for pushing her in a more appropriate direction.

Leslie Mann.... I couldn't find a full shot of this dress, but she rocked it out. I love it. Fun. Not so serious. Modern. UPDATE (2/23 4:51pm) Dress by Pamela Rowland. Brilliant.

Jessica Biel...Prada. Oh, Prada. Prada should stop doing red carpet. They can't seem to get it right. I DON'T like this. Hair and makeup were nice. That's all I've got. UPDATE (2/23/09 4:52pm) Still hate this.

Jennifer Grey... here for the mere fact that I had to read the name on the screen to know who it was. Have some work done, Baby???? UPDATE (2/23 4:52pm) Dress by Dolce & Gabbana... so far they're 1 for 3 - and this is one of the two.

Heidi Klum... Roland Mouret. I like many elements of this dress, but my favorite parts are her accessories. Woman was dripping in diamonds. Heidi: YOU'RE IN!

Anne Hathaway... Armani Prive. Perhaps my favorite of the night. This dress is AMAZING. The paillettes make her look like a perfect scaly being. I just want to pet this dress. "Niiiice dress. Shhhhh. Niiiiice."

Freida Pinto... Galliano. This design is very similar to Drew's Galliano at the Globes. But I'm not a huge fan. There are lovely Indian qualities to it, but it just missed the mark. Blue is my favorite color, but this just isn't working for me. I'm sad.

Oh Beyonce... House of Deréon Couture (I'm not kidding). Oh HELL to the no. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. Tina Knowles: STOP IT. Just STOP IT. I will say that this silhouette is amazing on B. But the fabric. The fabric?!?! This is from the discount bin at JoAnn Fabrics. I HATE it. Beyonce is actually my Worst Dressed for the evening. It kills me to say that.

Angie... Elie Saab. It appears that more effort was placed here then other red carpets of recent. I think this dress fits beautifully and I love the GORGE emerald accents. I don't care what any of you say, this woman is stunning. Period.

Are... you... ready!!!!!

It's about time I launched this damn thing. Yes, friends... welcome to "The Tovies"....

We are a mere 48-hours away from the mother of all spectacles - the Oscar red carpet - and I can't wait! While I expect this year to be rather tame with most stars playing it "safe"... strapless... one-shoulder... jeweled tones... damn grecian (the look that NEVER seems to die), I do look forward to a few of those ladies who always seem to get us talking.

Will Angelina ditch her date, Brad, for one of the octuplets? Will Cameron get her roots did? Will Bai Ling make it out of the slammer in time to horrify us with another tacky ensemble? Most importantly: will Hugh Jackman host the Oscars shirtless? Oooops. Sorry. I digress.

So buckle your seatbelts and sharpen your tongues! We're on to the big game!