Bravo!

Good morning!

I had a magnificently boring evening last night. In addition to starting the book "The Forgotten Man: A New History of the Great Depression" (the timeline at the beginning of the book is rather alarming and a little too close to home), I watched the Top Chef Reunion and, I'm gonna say: it was actual entertaining. I note this because this season, over all, let me down and didn't compare to seasons passed. What were we missing though? The 'cheftestants' were made to seem like they were actually fun people. Granted, this is what a good montage and editing can do. I am actually considering hiring the TC editing team to do a reel for me... imagine the possibilities! A few thoughts:

Fabio took "Fan Favorite" and the respective $10,000 - I would have been fine with Carla taking it, but Fabio definitely kept me entertained through the season. I'm still wanting to try his roast chicken.

Stefan was still a cocky prick and I threw my head back in laughter when Jamie said that not even an entire bottle of tequilla would get her to have sex with him. Perhaps it was the editing or maybe I'm projecting, but Stefan seemed a little hurt by that. "It is what it is"

Hosea and Leah were as annoying as ever. In fact, this reunion episode made me despise her even more than I already did. She had a complete attitude which I think is just the embarrassment of being referred to as a "regret" by Hosea on national TV. The only levity with her came during the clip of her and Jamie completely trashed during judges panel. Collichio seemed to enjoy it... Padma delivered the obligatory laugh followed by a passive-agressive judgment: "Leah - two words: national. tv"... even Padma can't stand her.

The group spent a few minutes gushing over my boyfriend Tom Collichio. Rightfully so. He can saute me, flip me, grill me... anytime. I'd even consider a sous-vide scenario.

Speaking of hot men... Millionaire Matchmaker!! More to come later... I gotta dole out these posts like snacks. How's that for the worst segue / blog finish ever?

ANTM Cycle 1 thousand 2-hundred and 6...

And so it begins - another cycle of America's Next Top Model. This show seems to ALWAYS be in production.. 12 cycles already?!!? How does Trya find time for all of her empathizing and relating?

I digress...

I will admit that this is the first time in my entire ANTM-watching career that I was feeling kind of "over it." But I'll persevere. My thoughts:

• I believe that it is WAY too much when the girls, upon their first vision of Trya, start shaking and crying - arms reaching out to touch her (which I imagine is NOT allowed, by the way). It has gotten beyond just finding another girl to feign a whirlwind life "as a Covergirl" (you know you aint so dang busy girl). Now it is just an outlet for young, pretty girls to mimic the poses they've seen on previous cycles. Did anyone notice how, during the "Girls growing up too fast/ Childhood games" photoshoot, the girls constantly jumped and contorted their legs? That is SOOOO "Windmill Photoshoot" from Cycle 11.
• I believe that "Little Girl Big Eyes" (if you watched it, you know who I'm talking about) did NOT deserve best photo. It should have gone to my girl Fo. Her interpretation of Ring Around the Rosey - SOOOO much better. Frankly, LGBE freaked me out when she claimed that she was jealous of people who get nosebleeds because she thinks blood is beautiful. Is she one of those Twilight freaks - I mean fans? The ever-compassionate Ms. J voiced his concern for the other girls in the house as a result.
  
• Tyra's 'cause du jour' is the Burn Victim. GIRL HAS NO BELLY BUTTON. I can't get over it. Give it time. Tyra will be on her show claiming that she knows what it's like to be a burn victim because of this nasty sunburn she got when on a Sports Illustrated photoshoot 12-years ago. Regardless: No Belly Button is NO model.
• Cycle 13 casting is going on right now. It's a cycle for girl's shorter than 5' 7"... wait a second. I'm the triple threat: I'm 5" 5', I'm plus-size, and I have vitiligo (look it up). This makes me the believe that I'm the one Tyra's looking for. Queue Whitney Houston's "One Moment in Time"... I have to go grab my head shots.
• I'm thrilled that Ms. J does not have a panel gimmic this cycle. She just showed up with a smile and a bowl-cut. I adore Ms. J and next time I'm in Paris, I'm looking her up for a walk-off and a croissant.
• Just like every season of "Real World" has to have a gay person, a well-meaning but ignorant hick, a slut, and a frat boy - ANTM now has to have a token plus-size gal, an abused or confused freak, and a CRAZY AFRICAN. Last cycle: the circumsized girl who called other girls "ghetto." This year: Sandra who A) thought she rocked it out by only walking 25% of a runway and B) gave the most boring picture ever... that is NOT how you interpret 'Hide and Go Seek'.. ok? It's not even fun to hate her. She's just got. ta. go.
  
• Tyra's elimination speech should be recited in every grammar school class right after the Pledge of Allegiance. What gets me time-after-time is how deliberate she is while saying "... I only have 3 pictures in my HANDS"... never noticed that? You will next time!

I'm not giving up on ANTM yet. At least not until the Makeover Episode. They're leading us on to think that this is the "most shocking one ever".... Uh HUH.

Good afternoon and, oh, you're still in the running...